The name “depression” is counterintuitive. I will emphasize this about hundred more times. It is important to understand so you can see depression in yourself or others. Most of the time, for me, depression is just feeling nothing. Imagine its about 2am and you cant sleep. You have the tv on and you have been staring at it for about thirty minutes but have no real idea of what you are watching. You don’t know the plot, no connection to the characters, and you are not 100% on even which show you are watching. Its just a blur you live in where it persists for about five seconds and then its gone. Now, live like that for thirty years. Now, have things like emotions. WTF
I am just not used to having much in the way of emotion. Now, I get what I perceive as overrun by emotions. I’ll bet if there was such a thing as an emotion meter that I would barely be ticking that sucker over. However, to me its infinitely more than I am used to. (With the exception of worry and and anger. Apparently those guys live somewhere else in my brain and are always accessible.)
Much of my life now is just dealing with being normal. It takes work to adjust to having inrushes of emotion. In the trade, however, I feel more alive. More spiritual. More empathetic. More human. Its better. But, still takes effort and I imagine will be quite some time.