Its OK

I know that I can never be truly objective because all of my views are from the inside looking out. When I am most normal I can look at my depression and see in somewhat objectively. I can see my self in kind of a third person view. Just like people looked at me and said, “Wow, that guy has issues.” I , too, look at that guy and say the exactly same thing.
While I am “normal”, I would like to tell myself and anyone who thinks like me that its ok. It is ok to have issues, its ok to have it medicated, you can do it all in private if you wish. It will have very sucky days and good days. People will not understand it because the name is very misleading. Medication really helps. It does not numb me but takes the edge off and gives me places to get a handle. It is still my willpower that keeps things in control, not the medication. I wish that I had gone for treatment decades ago. I can not imagine the amount of suffering I could have avoided. All of the effort it takes to deal, work, parent, worship, and just exist while trying to “act normal”. A $7.00 prescription could have given me a handle and reduced the load by half.

The medication, for me*, are by no means happy pills.  Oh, and they took three full months to really start making a predictable difference.  At first I was all over the place.  It was like playing my emotions in fast forward. Several panic attacks. But, then it starts to settle down and I started getting a grip.  Not just looking like I had a grip, but, actually having some control on my mood and emotions. I needed to be patient and thank the Lord I am a stubborn person who will ride things out.  I don’t plan to ever quit taking something. Simply, I just don’t make enough serotonin and will always need a little pharmaceutical nudge, no big deal.

*I am not a doctor.  Only get your medical advice from a doctor, not me…I have problems.

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