So there are good days and bad days. Having depression is not, to me, always a burden. Sure, I feel like crap and my own mind is tortuing me, BUT, I am artsy AF when I am in this mode. If I can hold it together then I can do some amazing drawing, photography, writing, and video work. I often spend this time making lists of cool artsy stuff to do. Then, when I am “normal” I have a pretty cool list of projects to work on.
I am working on an animation right now thats part of a dream sequence in a much larger video project. When I am all depressed I can crank out those ideas like a effing machine. When I am not in that mode I often look back and am quite amazed at the insight and creativity that my brian was oozing out.
It starts with a few bad nights. Then a lick of rage. Then sadness. Then my shoulders hurt. Then I cant seem to focus on the things around me for very long then, boom, downtown creative mode, albeit couched in mental torment. Many of the illustrations in the blog were not meant to be final images but my notes during an episode I was later going to redo once I was much more …. sane? However, I liked the simplicity and rawness of the little pictures (they are all about lifesize) which lead me to use them instead.
I am one of those people always trying to find the good in something, even if it is 2000 on the suck-o-meter. It stands to reason that I would find something constructive to do with a panic attack or a fit of depression. I would much rather not have the episodes and just go on with my life, but, if its going to happen then at least I get something out of it.